My very own story! Yay for me! Read it :
by Niko1
Summary: In which I go to Middle Earth and I DON'T WANNA BE THERE! No really, I don't. Which results in my abusing lovable characters. (Sorry Sam.) No falling in love with chars, which I heartily despise. I like reviews *hinthint* It's funny, promise! Please R&R?
1. Default Chapter

Well, I got bored. And I wondered what to do, and eventually ended up reading mary sues. The serious ones... *shudder* some of those are GRAPHIC! It scared me, the mindless devotion to the story and how perfect all these characters were! So I decided do write my own, with my own imperfect little person! (Me. Cause you know if I'm writing one of these there's no way in hell I'm perfect.) So put up with it and please read it!!! And I'd like a review! Even one! But please be nice... this is my first try on something like this..., second fic! I'm still scared of the readers. XD!  
  
  
  
Niko was sitting outside, up a tall thin oak tree, swinging her legs in the air and ignoring the screaming brats below her. She was a short girl who barely reached five feet three inches, and wasn't particularly beautiful, and not that pretty. She had longish dark brown hair and blue gray eyes that had yellow flecks in them. Also, like many unfortunate teenagers out there, she had acne that wasn't that bad, but annoyed her. Her ears were NORMAL, no points, no piercings, no tattoos, normal.  
  
At the moment she was bored out of her mind, and sitting in the tree to try to cool off from the oppressive heat wave that had driven her out of the house and high into the branches of the tree to try to find a breeze.  
  
"Uuugh..." she groaned. "I hate this..." and flipped over the branch so that she was hanging upside-down. "Whoops. How do I get out of this? I'm stuck." I think talking to yourself is a sign that the heat is getting to you she thought wryly, then wriggled her way up to the next branch. I'd rather be watching Lord of the Rings, like the dorky little brat I am. "But nooo... Mom wants to watch TV, ...like I hog the TV, yeah right. I only watched it twice yesterday! The ingratitude!" She stood up on the slender tree branch, and mounted to the next highest. "I wish she'd just leave me alone. I wish I could get away from here. I wish I was anywhere else!" She blinked. It was really hot out. Her head was starting to feel fuzzy and she was hearing odd things. Time to get down, before I fall she thought, and started down when she lost her grip on the branch and fell, her last thought being Oh shit.  
  
  
  
  
  
Well that was the start. if anyone thinks I should continue it, please tell me!!! I'm sorry that it wasn't very funny, but there's very little comedic inspiration in an oak tree! Lol please R&R!!! 


	2. more trees but minimal falling! and NO C...

Whee! Here's more! Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Niko, who is me. So, yeah, I guess nothing! Sorry it's not too funny yet but there's a HEAT WAVE! And I have a cold. UGH UGH UGH! *snifflesnot* well, here ya go!  
  
  
  
Niko slowly opened her eyes, wincing at the pain in her head from her tumble from the tree. "Ow..." she groaned, then looked up. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" she screamed, her eyes focusing on the curly- haired being in front of her face. "AH!" she added for good measure, then swung her right first with all her might at her adversary's face, catching him in the eye.  
  
The person let out an undignified squawk and sat back heavily as Niko got to her feet.  
  
"What was that for?" the injured party asked plaintively, clutching his eye. Niko started to retort when she looked at his face and realized whom she had just hit. "Frodo?!" she asked incredulously. "Oops... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." She bent down to look at his eye.  
  
"How is it you know my name?" he asked with wonder in his voice. She fiddled with her shirt, a plain black tank top, and answered "Uh."  
  
He blinked. "Are you an elf?"  
  
"No, sadly enough." She lifted her hair to show her NORMAL ears and giggled nervously. "Wow, I really got you good. I'm really sorry... I was just freaked out." He looked blank.  
  
"Scared." She added. He nodded, and looked at her outfit, plain jeans and the aforementioned top. "You are not from here, I would guess."  
  
"Uh. No. I'm kinda lost... really, really lost." She looked around and swore inwardly. I guess I'm stuck here for now... she thought. Dammit why does this happen to me? I don't WANT to be here! Make some lovesick Legolas fan be here instead! Not me!  
  
Frodo was watching her face as it gradually got glummer and glummer. Finally he suggested she come home with him. "I'd be glad to have you. It's been quiet and lonely there since my uncle Bilbo left." Without thinking she blurted "Bilbo? Like, the one with that ring?"  
  
Frodo looked shocked. "How did you know about that????"  
  
"Uh."  
  
Frodo looked up at her, standing there, then got up. "Alright, I won't ask you anymore questions. Just follow me." He started through the woods, with Niko following miserably behind.  
  
Almost fifteen minutes later they rounded a bend in the road that revealed a quaint little hill that had a round, brightly coloured door in the middle. It also had a tree growing right out of the top of it. Niko took one look at it and squealed, racing towards it to pull herself up into its lower branches. "I like trees!" she said in return to Frodo's amused look. He stood by the bottom and called up to her. "I think you've had enough of trees today. Why don't you come in and I'll make us some supper." She grimaced and dropped out of the tree right onto her bottom. "Ow." She staggered to her feet and followed Frodo into his house, ignoring his smirk.  
  
"By the way...Do you have any cookys?" she asked.  
  
"What is a cooky?"  
  
She stared. "You don't KNOW?"  
  
"No..." He still looked puzzled  
  
"Mother of all...." She stared at the ceiling and wrung her hands. "Oh why oh WHY do you TORTURE me with these inanely odd situations in which I only wan-" she stopped. Frodo was looking at her funny and edging away. "Oh stop that." She said disgustedly, and flopped down on one of the many chairs that dotted the dark interior of the hole. "I'm not going to bite you." He still looked scared. "Shoo. SHOO." She shook her hands at him. He stared at her for a moment longer then abruptly burst out laughing. After a frustrated moment, she joined him, reluctantly at first, then gladly as his infectious laughter washed over her. He walked into the kitchen, still laughing, leaving her alone to giggle pointlessly. Then she sighed. "How am I gonna do this? I'm stuck here!" She thought for a minute, then wailed. "With no cookys!"  
  
  
  
Well, this was FUN. HA ha ha. Annoying, actually, because Niko won't do as she's told! BAD Niko! Stop insulting Frodo. *giggle* Thanks and please R&R? :) 


	3. WHee it's hot and i'm to hot to write. 4...

It was almost an hour later when Frodo finally called her to the table to eat. She had offered to help several times but each time he ignored her. She was less than pleased to see that the meal was almost entirely of meat, and sat out the entire supper picking at a roll and flinging random bits here and there. Finally Frodo noticed.  
  
"what are you doing?" He asked. "Are you sick?"  
  
Niko coughed. "I'm a vegetarian." He gave her another of his blank looks.  
  
"I don't eat meat."  
  
"Oh my goodness!" He looked shocked. "I- I didn't know, I'm so sorr-"  
  
She cut him off. "Whatever. I'll do the dishes." She got up and walked slowly into the kitchen.  
  
Frodo sighed when she left. He didn't understand her attitude. She was so ungrateful, and rude... but he thought she could be a nice person if she tried. And the way she dressed, and talked, and even walked, was so odd. Who was this mysterious girl? He made up his mind to go talk to her when he was distracted by the door swinging open........  
  
Niko, in the kitchen was in no mood to talk to anyone at the present. She knew what was going to happen next and she didn't want it to. "I WANT to go HOME." She muttered bitterly. Then, from the next room, she heard the unmistakable lines form a certain aged wizard who she really liked in the abstract, but in the present could happily ram his staff up his nose if it would get her home.  
  
"Is it secret? Is it safe?"  
  
She listened to the now familiar dialouge and waited till the point in which Gandalf was about to utter the words that were engraved on the ring.  
  
"One ring... to rule them a-"  
  
"Ahem. Hi." She stalked into the room and looked at him. "Would you mind reciting that limerick in a little bit? I have to talk to you."  
  
Gandalf stopped abruptly, staring at the strange child, then turned to Frodo, who was babbling an explaination. "She... She fell out of a tree, Gandalf, and she says she's lost.... So I brought her here. What else could I do?"  
  
Niko affected a bored, superior look, and glanced away from the blustering hobbit. "I want to go with Frodo to Rivendell." Gandalf furrowed his eyebrows. "And just how do you think this will help any involved, young lady?" She met his gaze. "Probably very little. But if I want to get home I really don't think I have a choice. I'd like to go... please." She forced the word out between gritted teeth. "I'm NOT happy about being here and I DON'T want to face being stuck here for the rest of my life. If I go by all the general rules I may have a shot at getting the hell out of here." She finished by looking at Frodo "look, I know I haven't been very nice, but I promise I'll do my best to help and protect you." She couldn't protect a fly, but did they have to know?  
  
Gandalf looked at her for a long time, finally looking away. "Frodo? What is your opinion on this?"  
  
Frodo grinned at Niko. "Sure! Love to have her along."  
  
Gandalf looked at her. She gave him her most innocent and sincere look, while inwardly imagining his hat on fire. Fire... she had forgotten. The Balrog would... Don't think about it- she told herself-deal with it when it happens. The hostile look in her eyes, however, softened, and in that moment he nodded. She leaped into the air. "YEE HEE!"  
  
The two men exchanged looks. Then Gandalf put his head in his hands and sighed audibly.  
  
"Oh, yeah, Mister Gandalf, Sam's outside the window listening. Want to bring him in?"  
  
  
  
  
  
There. More! UGH it's 40 degrees outside and like an oven effect in here... hot...*whimpers* 


	4. more. teenage woes. mean to Sam! (sorry ...

Whee! More! I'm really having a hard time with this... I never thought it would be this hard! I also never thought I'd be ATTEMPTING TO WRITE DURING A HEAT WAVE! Sorry I just can't get over that. Review if you will, flames are used to bake cookys! Mmm... cookys... *goes off into state of extended bliss*  
  
  
  
Niko watched Sam's entrance with a certain detached reverie, her thoughts swirling around one thing-getting home. It's not that I don't like this story, she thought, but I just don't want to be part of it! A small voice in her mind argued back that she did want to.And was only scared of seeing someone else hurt or killed. She knew it would happen whether she was there or not though. She was also scared that she would be responsible for something and fail. But she ruthlessly squashed it the voice and told herself that it was in the interests of self-preservation that she wanted home. Still, she felt a sense of adventure building...which she also tried to ignore.  
  
"Girl?" Asked Gandalf, unaware of her name. "I said you should get some sleep. You leave at first light tomorrow."  
  
"Niko." She growled. "My name. Is Niko. Not girl."  
  
Gandalf kept his face grave, though she could see a twinkle in his eyes, which only served to annoy her further. Frodo announced he would find a spare room for her, so she turned and stalked haughtily out of the room. And promptly tripped and fell flat on her face. She sighed. This would be a long journey.  
  
*****  
  
Later that night she was sitting in a tiny room on a bed that Frodo had made up for her, brushing tangles, and twigs out her hair, when Sam poked his head in.  
  
"What?" she asked, not too rudely.  
  
"Well, I was... that is...-"  
  
"Oh spit it out." She snapped, then immediately wished she hadn't. The look on his face was a little sad. "What was it?" she asked, more kindly.  
  
"Well, you and me, we're all Mister Frodo has to look after him. We ought to be... friends, don't you think?"  
  
She smiled at the nervous hobbit. "Yeah, I guess."  
  
The look on his face brightened. "So then maybe you'll think of stopping this.... this...no meat eating peculiarity? I know it worried Mister Fro-" the smile on her face had faded into a angry scowl.  
  
"Get OUT, Samwise, and if you ever mention it again I WILL eat meat again- starting with roasting you over a spit. OUT I say!"  
  
  
  
***  
  
The next morning dawned bright and early, with the golden sun coming up over a clear crystal blue sky. It was a beautiful, peaceful day. Unfortunately, Niko's temper wasn't nearly as placid. The two sleeping hobbits were woken by a loud shriek of anger that echoed through the halls of the house and went on for a good ten minutes.  
  
"WHY am I PUNISHED by those above for nothing?!? WHY is it that the makers of the universe seem to HATE me for no reason!?!?! Isn't it enough that I be STRANDED in this GODS FORSAKEN PLACE?!! No, no! It gets BETTER! Who'd a THOUGHT?!?! I mean HONESTL-"  
  
Frodo stumbled sleepily into her room. "WHAT is the MATTER???" he roared, uncharacteristically annoyed. Niko whirled around to face him, one hand over her nose. She removed her hand to show a shiny red pimple right in the center, and slumped down on the bed, wailing. "WHY?! Why me?!? WHY of all days of all places?!?! It's not FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!" Her voice cut off abruptly as Frodo slipped out into the hall and shut the door. Sam stood there with his fingers in his ears to stop her piercing wails, and the two of them broke down into helpless laughter. In one swift motion Niko wrenched open the door and dumped the contents of a vase of flowers and water on their heads, muttering something about "Ingrate hobbits" and "Hope nasty wee beasties eat 'em alive."  
  
  
  
Eh heh stuff like that happens... MOAH HA HA maybe NOW she'll behave. Review???? :) Sorry they're so short... I'll write a longer one tomorrow! 


	5. More. (i'm too lazy to think up a title!...

And more! Because I am SO incredibly BORED. And for some reason, my computer tried to eat me! It DID! No, I'm SO serious! Anyway... Oh I fergot the disclaimer, so here it is: I don't own lord of the rings-the story rights, at least. I bought the movie. I don't own the characters, I don't own the wheat field, I don't own middle earth, but I DO own Legolas. Trust me, I do. *MOAH HA!* yeah, erm. And I own the thorn bush. Don't know that I'm talking about? Read on, and you will. Review, and I'll be your BESTEST friend! :) Here, more story:  
  
Later that day, the three of them has set out from the hobbit hole, the two hobbits walking slightly ahead of Niko, who was stalking through the tall grass and wheat fields and swearing sulpherously at anything that got in her way. She had covered the pimple with a bit of old powder Frodo had found kicking around the hole and was still in a bad mood about it. She had picked up a stick along the way and was slashing at all the plants in annoyance. She was particularly annoyed with one large thorn bush that had sprung up in a field.  
  
"In a WHEAT field, for god's sakes! A wheat field! What kind of lazy farmer allows WEEDS in his WHEAT field!?" she asked of no one in particular, then graciously bypassed the offending growth. Sam and Frodo were sitting down at the edge of the field, setting out what looked like food. She sat down by them, and was handed a small loaf of bread by Sam and an apple by Frodo. She cautiously nibbled at one end of the bread, and promptly put it down, gnawing on the apple instead.  
  
"Bread not to your liking, Miss Niko?" Sam asked, puzzled.  
  
"No, I think I'll save it to use as a weapon if it should come to that. When did you bake it, Sam? It's rock hard!" She hit it with a tin cup, and it emitted a "clunk" noise, as it to prove her point. Sam looked crestfallen. "Only last week, Miss. I'm sorry..." He looked so apologetic that she had to laugh. Frodo got up. "Lets keep on moving, you two. We want to reach Bree as quickly as possible." She noticed that he was fingering the ring as he spoke, and he looked around nervously. "We want to spend as few nights out here as possible."  
  
They got up and started moving toward s the next field. A few steps into it, Sam stopped. Frodo turned back, and Niko sighed. "Move it along, Sam. Get. Go." She said, but the hobbit stared at his feet, lost in his own thoughts. "One more step, and-" Niko hit him with the bread.  
  
"Ow! What was tha-"  
  
"I said MOVE, Samwise!"  
  
Frodo looked askance at her, brandishing the stale bread, and Sam, who was cowering in fear. Then he turned and ran away.  
  
  
  
Psst! This is the end of the chapter! Did you know that? (AAAH! I'm going insaaaaane...) 


	6. These are short chapters! Here's a new o...

Oops, haven't updated for long, long time! Here, new chapter! Read! And giggle!  
  
  
  
"Dumb bushes."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Dumb wheat."  
  
"What is she talking about, Mister Frodo?"  
  
"Dumb clouds."  
  
"I don't know, Sam."  
  
"Dumb hobbits."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Walking for ten hours straight had not noticeably improved Niko's temper, which wasn't all that good to begin with. After considering several courses of action as to what to do until Merry and Pippin showed up, she had decided on labeling everything "dumb."  
  
"We're still in a wheat field." She pointed out.  
  
Frodo stared at her. "I know that. Why are you telling us that?"  
  
Niko thought for a minute. "Uh." Then she did a double take. "Where's Sam?" The chubby little hobbit had disappeared.  
  
Frodo looked around, but saw him nowhere. "Sam? Sam!" He turned to go back.  
  
"Just wait, he'll show up in a second and spout off a memorable line about- "  
  
"Mister Frodo! I thought I'd lost you!"  
  
Niko sighed. Sam annoyed her. Alot.  
  
"What are you talking about, Sam?" Frodo looked slightly annoyed and nervous, and was edging away from the two of them as Sam advanced, a slightly obsessed look on his face.  
  
"It's just something Gandalf said. 'Don't you lose him, Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean t-"  
  
Niko stepped on his foot. "God that's freaky. LEAVE. Not lose. Make up your mind! The line is leave, you ...dimtwit." She kicked him, but lost her balance and fell on her behind, the heavy pack she wore weighing her down.  
  
They stared. Then abruptly got bowled over by what appeared to be two quickly moving vegetables. (A/N VEG-IT-ABLES! YUM!)  
  
  
  
All done! For now. Hee. I have no idea why I'm continuing this; maybe it's because I want to write a story that DOESN'T stop at Rivendell (When Legolas comes in. Ptth.) And eventually get somewhere! Yay! I need sleep. Review, review! And I'll love you! Or feed you cookys, whatever milks yer Guernsey. 


	7. Finally! Ringwraiths!

Well, this took a long time to write! Whoo. Go me!  
  
  
  
"OW! Gerroff!  
  
"What? Who?"  
  
"Pippin! Get off me!" Merry's voice came from somewhere under Pippin.  
  
Frodo stood up. "What are you doing here, and what are you doing with those turnips?"  
  
Sam picked himself up, puffing like a wounded dragon as he glared at the miscreants. "You've been into farmer Maggots crop!"  
  
Merry stood up straight, pulling Pippin up with him, then the two blinked. "Who's that?" They asked as one, looking at Niko, who was still sitting on the ground looking unhappy.  
  
"That's Niko," began Frodo, "And she's-" He stopped and looked at the sharp, gleaming sickle that was heading towards them above the rows of golden corn, blinking. A dog could be heard barking in the distance. He opened his mouth to say something, but Pippin grabbed him by the arm while dropping his armload of ill-gotten vegetables, and the five of them half ran, half stumbled through the field.  
  
Niko wasn't really listening to what the hobbits were yelling, as she was concentrating on not getting hit in the face with corn as she ran. From her left, she caught a few words. "My point is, he's clearly over- reacting!" Then everything went blurry as a hobbit slammed into her back and they all went tumbling over the bank at the edge of the field. She wasn't quite sure which way was up, and decided to just cling onto whoever it was falling beside her, and occupied herself by yelling something incomprehensible.  
  
Clunk.  
  
Groans came from the small group of bodies lying in the road, and a few proffered thanks to no one for not getting hurt came from Pippin.  
  
An excited cry of "Mushrooms!" came from over her head somewhere, and Niko realized her eyes were closed. She slowly opened one eye in time to realize that Merry was scrambling over her. "OW." she yelled, then laboriously climbed to her feet, looking around for Frodo.  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
He was standing away from the others, his gaze fixed down the road aways, where a sourceless wind had stirred up the fallen leaves resting there. His face was pale, and his eyes were wide in fear. She watched in fascination as his hand involuntarily moved towards the pocket he kept his ring in, and she felt the first real touch of fear. The danger here was real, and so were these little people standing around here. The realization that they were no longer just characters hit her. She gasped, almost cried out, but the sound was lost in Frodo's frantic cry to "Get off the road!"  
  
She numbly scrambled to the side of the road with the others, and crouched just outside of the overhanging root, hoping her borrowed cloak would hide her. Then with a chill, the hidden group heard the unmistakable sound of a walking horse, and worse, the strange heavy breathing of it's black rider.  
  
Seconds stretched away unbearably slowly, seeming like hours before she dared draw breath again. She could feel a stranger kind of tension in the air, almost like a vacuum. To her left, Frodo was gasping silently, his hand wandering towards the ring. His eyes rolled back and sweat rolled down his face as his hand drew closer and closer still... Then brave Sam reached over and pulled his hand away. Their eyes met, Frodo's filled with uncertainty and fear, Sam's with loving trust and support. Niko felt like she wanted to cry, but was too scared to even breath- the rider was still too near.  
  
In a sudden inspiration, Merry tossedthe satchel of mushrooms he was holding, and in movement so swift that it shocked her, the wraith was gone, screaming an earsplitting shriek.  
  
Niko shot up, pulling on Merry, who was closest to her, who pulled the others up, and the five of them ran desperately away from the terrible evil that was chasing them.  
  
"Figures." Niko muttered bitterly as she ran. She didn't expect this adventure to be so... well... Adventurous. "Just... Figures"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A note to a reviewer: Usually I don't do this (posting notes in stories) but it gives me a chance to explain some things, and I have to say... thanks! It's not often that someone gives really constructive criticism and takes the time to ask well-thought out questions in a coherent and polite way! Yay! Everybody clap for the reviewer! And I love the rest of you too! You make me happy! But to clear up a few of those thought-provoking questions for you, and any other readers who may have the same thoughts, here's some answers!  
  
You and many others referred to the way I spell "cookies." Well, my thought on the subject is that "ies" is plural, so it should be not cookie, but cooky. I spell it "cookys" in the plural mainly to be stubborn, and because it's one of my many quirks. I have lots-trust me! (I'm Tinkerbelle, you can't hug me.)  
  
"After a little consideration i'm surprised that Gandalf so readily agreed to allow Niko to go to Rivendell with Frodo."  
  
Ooh, this is a hard one. Let's just say Gandalf took a liking to the irritable little brat, which is why he let her go along. I agree with the strangers dropping out of the sky being untrustworthy, but Niko is an ordinary, fairly non-dangerous teenager... And unlike the multitude of MarySue characters out there, she does not have the strength of Aragorn, Eomer's swords skills, the archery know-how of all the Mirkwood elves or the powers of Gandalf. I know for a fact that Niko (based on, you guessed it-ME!) has taken fencing lessons and very nearly managed to cut off her own foot trying to pick up the damn epee. (A kind of fencing sword. I'm small, and it works best for me.) Which she wasn't supposed to be near in the first place, but oh well. :P SO she's not all that dangerous. Just annoying.  
  
Niko's going to Rivendell because she knows the details of the quest, and has read MarySues, and for lack of a better idea of how to get home, she'll go along and hope that she somehow gets home. Sadly, few MarySues ever got that far, so she's running on guesses. And the hobbits she abuses (I'm SORRY! I LOVE THEM!) she's blaming them for her being there. Not very fair or nice, but it's part of the story.  
  
Lastly, the last chapter WAS slow, sorry about that. But real-life Niko has mid-terms, is trying out for the school musical, and trying to control the urge to kill her piano teacher for assigning her four pages of theory every week, and is balancing four instruments (dear god the practice time! It doesn't exist! Which is why I'm failing band. I didn't think that was even POSSIBLE.)  
  
I'm done blahing now. Review! Review! *sings* Whee. 


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